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00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,959
MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

2
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,639
Gratitude, gratitude,
peace and love.

3
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:13,959
Go.

4
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:18,479
Chuffed to tell you guys about the
joy I'm getting from my smart pants.

5
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,159
- Smartypantz.
- Smartypants.

6
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,479
- Zz.
- Zz.

7
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,959
They're comfy,
environmentally friendly,

8
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,959
and they come with advanced
period-proof technology

9
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,959
for mad menstruators like you guys.

10
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:34,959
There's even a really handy pouch
for a hot water bottle at the front.

11
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Bish,
I ain't got no time for cramps.

12
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And if you're not happy, they come
with a 60-day money back guarantee.

13
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Ch... What? Emer, that's gross.

14
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:45,959
OK. Joy, not your problem.

15
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Let's take it from,
"Alladz. They're bleeding deadly."

16
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,479
♪ Alladz... ♪

17
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:53,959
No, Emer. Sorry. I can't.
I can't say that.

18
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,959
Joy, periods aren't
just for girls any more.

19
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,960
Uh, yes, they are. Are they not?

20
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What I'm saying is, I'd like
to move away from the idea

21
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,959
that periods are gross
and embarrassing.

22
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The "monthlies"
are a real challenge...

23
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,959
from a marketing perspective, like.

24
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You girls don't even realise.

25
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Joy, try running in slo-mo
with your mates.

26
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Did you guys not know you can still
run while you have your monthlies?

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- Cos you totally can.
- Yeah.

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And don't forget to use
the blue liquid.

29
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- She's not a Smurf, Phillip.
- Yeah. Totally not a Smurf.

30
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But Smurfs are happy,
and I think it's so important

31
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:27,959
to see the positivity
in everyone and everything.

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Gratitude.
- Oh... my God.

33
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,319
Flora is on another
all-expenses paid

34
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luxury promo trip to the Maldives.

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Oh, for fuck's sake, Emer!

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UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

37
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DOG BARKING

38
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Joy, numbers were good
for last week's challenge,

39
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but we need to boost
our subscription base.

40
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And do you know
who isn't finding us?

41
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Sponsors with cool products?

42
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People outside Dublin.

43
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People from the countryside just...
aren't connecting with you, Joy.

44
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Any idea why?

45
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I mean, no. I'm pretty relatable.

46
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Definitely. And yet...

47
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And yet...
EXHALES DEEPLY

48
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OK. I have managed to secure two
sponsors

49
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who are willing to put up good money
but only if we reach beyond Dublin.

50
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And I shouldn't need to tell you
that we need this.

51
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No. I got this.
Guys, boggers love me.

52
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Uh, I know that's hate speech,

53
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before you send me for retraining.
I was owning it.

54
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- You were owning it?
- Yes.

55
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It was a private joke between me
and the guys from the countryside.

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Reaching your subscription
base beyond the M50

57
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is perfect timing
for this week's challenge.

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- Are you ready?
- Mm-hm.

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- Steady?
- Yeah.

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Go. It's a crossover piece

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with beloved, handsome
Aussie vlogger Will Dack.

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I don't know him.
What's his channel called?

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Beloved, Handsome Aussie Vlogger.

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He's very popular, Joy.

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The piece will be,
"Will Will Be Finding Irish Joy?"

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- Will, will he?
- Oh!

67
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I love that guy.
Joy, this is exciting for you!

68
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Oh, my God.
What's that thing that he says?

69
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"Do not waste your time
worrying, because...

70
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"Just don't."

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- What?
- Genius.

72
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And, oh, his skin.

73
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Ahh. I'd wear his skin.

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Karen, we did talk about this.
Shared office. Private meeting.

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OK. Will's visiting "wural"
Ireland for the first time.

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- Wural Ireland?
- And he wants to know

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what brings Joy to the Irish today.
- Wural Ireland...

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OK, we can only film him in Dublin

79
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before he heads to the countryside.
- Rural Ireland.

80
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But your pieces
will be on his channel,

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introducing you
to his followers, him to yours

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as he travels across the land,
connecting with the people.

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Joy, think of the exposure.

84
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But if I'm not accompanying him,
should we bother?

85
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His skin is like a...

86
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Waxed nectarine.

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It's wearable.

88
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It's like a baby's arse
with a beard.

89
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So people are relating to skin
right now?

90
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Oh, my God.
Skin is everywhere this year.

91
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OK. If it builds the brand,
then I'm just gonna be professional

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and try to make it work.

93
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- Try and find a pore.
- I literally can't see one.

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No, guys. He doesn't have any.

95
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Not one. Is that HD?

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KAREN SIGHS

97
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Alabaster.

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It's not that alabaster.

99
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It's this, like,
out-of-body experience.

100
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This... UberX comes
and picks you up

101
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and brings you to this
nearby town that has everything.

102
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So I've had a massage.

103
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I'm having, like,
this little facial done.

104
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,959
And then I just feel revived
and ready to go back again.

105
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'It's incredible.
I'm having the best time

106
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,479
'and I can't wait
to fill you in more.'

107
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Yeah, well...
'Next stop'll be Sweden!'

108
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- Hey, Joy.
- Oh.

109
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It's just so hard, Karen.

110
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Trying to figure out
what makes people happy

111
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just feels like such
a big responsibility, you know?

112
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All the other YouTubers are getting
free trips to the Maldives

113
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and these smart pants are really

114
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wedging on my arse,
to be honest, Karen.

115
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Mm-hm. I'd better get back.
I'm just trying to finalise

116
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a list of recommendations
for the UN

117
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on how to prevent children
as young as five

118
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being recruited into
guerrilla warfare.

119
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Cool.

120
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TELEPHONE RINGING

121
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,479
Joy, did you know
that I'm a marketing guru?

122
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Yes. Guru. I'm qualified.

123
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And if you want to increase
your numbers as a lady person,

124
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,959
there are some secret
marketing tips, you know?

125
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,959
OK, so, the basics are...
smile more,

126
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let the man feel in charge
and supported,

127
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,959
be really cute and likable.

128
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That's an instant upgrade.

129
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SIGHS
OK.

130
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Thanks a million,
Guru Phillip, you absolute dinosaur.

131
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,959
So, where's the tips for men?

132
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Pfft!

133
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Oh, a new thing that some women
are trying, which is fun,

134
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is being confident.
Confidence is very 2020.

135
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,959
But not confident
in a threatening way.

136
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,959
Not-threatening confidence, that's
the best way to connect with people.

137
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,319
- Sounds kind of contradictory.
- But it actually isn't.

138
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Shall I run through it again?
- Please don't run through it again.

139
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,479
I know you've got your meeting
with Will Nectarine,

140
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so I'll give you this one for free.

141
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Sex sells.

142
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Sex and romance. I mean, if
Love Island has taught us anything,

143
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it's that people from
the countryside and cities,

144
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which is to say everywhere,
they love sex.

145
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,959
They want to have sex with everyone.

146
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Stop you there.
That's just not for me, pal.

147
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I'm all about trying to be
my true self,

148
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not manufacturing clickbait romance.

149
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Also I'm

150
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,959
Well, you weren't
when it was in,

151
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,959
and I did have it in
for like a couple of minutes.

152
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And I know, cos I counted.

153
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One Mississippi.

154
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,160
Two Mississippi.
- Shh.

155
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,319
And I could put it in again
if you thought... Just pop it in.

156
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,959
No. Do you know what?
I'm actually OK for that.

157
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,999
- You're sure? OK.
- Yeah. Yeah.

158
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- Thanks a mil.
- Yeah. No worries.

159
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,640
OK.

160
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,959
- Hi.
- Great.

161
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,959
- Take this.
- OK.

162
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,959
- Yeah. And also this.
- OK.

163
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:54,959
- That.
- Yeah.

164
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,479
Uh, this definitely.

165
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,959
And this if she needs to be
walked, slapped, woken...

166
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:01,959
Where are your keys?

167
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,159
OK. They're in the pocket over.

168
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,959
- Left. Left. Oh.
- This? This side?

169
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,799
- That was a bit close.
- Yeah? That one?

170
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:07,959
- In the pocket.
- Thank you.

171
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,959
OK! Hiya.

172
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,999
She seems calm.
- Yeah. OK.

173
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,960
Great.
I got... I got all this.

174
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:19,959
Hi.

175
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,959
Where are you guys? I'm ready
to hold the baby for a minute.

176
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Oh. There you guys are.

177
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,959
'Hi, Joy. We're sitting here.'

178
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,959
This is nice,
just sitting... quietly.

179
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'You're wearing that baby thing.
That baby is cute.

180
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'Is he cuter than me? Maybe.
Does Joy think he's cuter than me?

181
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'Maybe. Am I a goner?'

182
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,959
I used to sit down and think
things all the time.

183
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,959
Think my little thoughts,
and that would be it.

184
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,159
You're... in the toilet.

185
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,959
Remember when time was different,

186
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,959
when we were looking for ways
to fill it?

187
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:53,959
Hours of chats, then cans,
then hooking up with someone.

188
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Then 24 hours in bed.

189
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,639
Then 48 hours of cystitis.

190
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Bliss.
- Yeah.

191
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,959
What are you doing?

192
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,959
Oh, I have to find an outfit
for tomorrow for work.

193
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,959
Specifically, it needs to scream
"business-class sex appeal"

194
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,959
to an international influencer.

195
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,959
You know, confident but shy,

196
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,959
knows her own mind
but wants you to speak.

197
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,999
No-nonsense-but-adorable
sex kitten,

198
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,959
intellectual, relatable everywoman,

199
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,999
mature, super-girly
with an infectious giggle.

200
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,479
LAUGHS

201
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,959
So you want to be literally
everyone and everything?

202
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,959
Correct.

203
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:28,959
Polish off your eyeballs.

204
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,479
DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

205
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His skin is like a...

206
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,959
Waxed nectarine.

207
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,959
I know. Yeah.
Gonna be filming with him tomorrow.

208
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:41,959
Gonna show him the joys of Dublin.
- His face is like seeing music.

209
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,959
I mean, of course you fancy him.
- What? No.

210
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,999
Trish, I'm

211
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,959
No, no. I just need to dress
sexy for my rural viewers.

212
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,959
I'm all about my career.

213
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,960
Well, my advice to you is don't
wear my baby and don't be weird.

214
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INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
ROCK MUSIC PLAYING

215
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,800
GASPS
There he is, Trish.

216
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,320
Go.

217
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,959
- Hi!
- Yeah. Privet.

218
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,959
I'm Dave. Studying English.
You probably know that, though,

219
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,479
cos I've got a book
in my pocket. Yeah.

220
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,959
I'm obsessed with Russia, so...

221
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,960
MUSIC CONTINUES

222
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,959
You have a very
beautiful moustache.

223
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,959
- Yeah.
- I used to have one of those,

224
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,959
but Trish made me get rid of it.

225
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,959
To be fair, you could only
see it in certain lights.

226
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,959
I could only see it if I closed this
eye and looked back, like, there.

227
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,639
I could feel it in the wind a
tiny bit, then I got rid of it.

228
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,959
I've also shaved down there...

229
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,959
by which I mean my legs...
Joanie Macaronis.

230
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,959
- Real quick, um...
- Mm-hm?

231
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,799
Do you smell burning toast?
Are you having a stroke?

232
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,959
I think your friend's
having a stroke.

233
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,959
I think she's having a stroke!
Is anyone here?

234
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,959
I am fine!

235
00:09:58,960 --> 00:09:59,999
Trish.

236
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,999
I think we both know that
I am not that person any more.

237
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,959
Ooh!

238
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,959
Phew.

239
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,960
I'm actually pretty wise.

240
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,959
WAVES BREAKING

241
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:15,960
What's the deal with your face?

242
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,959
It's just the new palette.
Everyone's wearing it.

243
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,319
- Do you not have to blend it in?
- No.

244
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,959
Hey. What's up, everyone?
Finally touched down in Ireland.

245
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,959
Had a legend of a taxi driver
on the way in.

246
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,959
Told me they gave Pierce Brosnan
a sainthood.

247
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:32,960
Hi, Joy! I'm Will!

248
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,959
SHE LAUGHS
Banter. I'm so glad you got that.

249
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,959
- What's that?
- Oh, it's my sponsor.

250
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,639
It's a multivitamin
rehydration beverage

251
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,959
that gives you the skin
of a three-year-old with good skin.

252
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,799
Oh, cool. I've got a sponsor.

253
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,959
They're wipes for your...
wiping needs.

254
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,959
Welcome to Ireland, Will.
- Super stoked to be here.

255
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,319
Oh! Stoked. Stoiked.

256
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,639
You're the expert at finding joy
in this town.

257
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,959
I'm hoping you can bring me
some joy, Irish style

258
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,639
Oh. Steady on, Will.
We've only just met.

259
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,959
No. No. I just meant, er...

260
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,959
I know what you meant,
you absolute dirt bird.

261
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,799
LAUGHS

262
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,159
So, I've done some research, Will,

263
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,959
and it turns out that Dack
is a Nordic name.

264
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,159
So first up is the Viking
Splash tour of Dublin.

265
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,960
Ar-r-r-r!

266
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,959
- You all right, mate?
- Yeah.

267
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,959
So, uh, what did the Vikings trade?

268
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,959
What do you want them
to have traded?

269
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:30,959
I don't know. I guess maybe food.

270
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,959
I guess food too!
LAUGHS

271
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,319
Well, the one thing we do know
for sure about the Vikings

272
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,000
is they were...
obsessed with their helmets.

273
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,959
Yeah. They were, er,
they were fierce, though, right?

274
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,959
Oh, yeah. They could be
so mean to other guys.

275
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,960
But mostly they were fiercely sexy.

276
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,959
Are you, uh... Are you OK?

277
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,959
Yeah. Fine. I'm just being me.
Just doing me.

278
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,959
You seem kind of nervous.
Are you, uh...

279
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,960
Having a stroke? Absolutely not!

280
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:06,960
Mate.

281
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,479
GROUP CHEERING

282
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,960
- We are straight in.
- Oh!

283
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,959
Ar-r-r-r!

284
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,959
Will, sea gulls!

285
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,959
Irish sea gulls.
They are so Irish.

286
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,959
Will, look at those swans!

287
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:31,960
Yeah.

288
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,959
Yeah. It's pretty grey.

289
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,479
- Will, look at the s... Look!
- Yeah.

290
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,959
At the sky.

291
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,959
That's great.

292
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,959
LAUGHS
Yeah.

293
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,960
SIREN CHIRPS
It's chilly.

294
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,959
Are you stoked now?

295
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,960
Yeah. This is... Yeah.
It's all right, I suppose.

296
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,960
BIRDS SQUAWK

297
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,959
Hey, Joy. Look. I'm Australian,
so I'm pretty straight up.

298
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,959
I'm just gonna go straight ahead
and tell you that I'm cold

299
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:10,959
and wet and I don't do so well

300
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,959
with cold and wet.
It disrupts my epidermis.

301
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,959
That's OK, because we've
lined up an amazing destination

302
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,479
for our next stop on the tour.

303
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,959
We are going
straight to second base.

304
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,959
Are you rolling, Stan?
- Erm, Joy,

305
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,959
I don't really think second base
is appropriate given where we are.

306
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,159
The Book of Kells!

307
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,319
I don't really read a ton, so...

308
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,479
It's OK, Will.
It's mainly pictures.

309
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,959
The monks who did it coloured
in the entire thing, those madzers.

310
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,959
I mean, they basically invented
mindfulness colouring.

311
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,959
And we all know how joyous
that is, right?

312
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,319
SHE CLICKS TONGUE
So it's... it's not on Audible?

313
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,959
- Oh. Will...
- It's a joke.

314
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,959
LAUGHTER

315
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:51,959
You're so clever and handsome
and funny.

316
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,960
SHE CHUCKLES

317
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,959
Look. You seem really nervous.

318
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,319
- No.
- Or anxious, like.

319
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,959
Ill at ease?
- No.

320
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,479
INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
ROCK MUSIC PLAYING

321
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,959
Yeah, it is much quieter here.

322
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,959
MUSIC CONTINUES

323
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,960
Yeah. That's...

324
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,959
Could... Do you want to...
Let's cool it and just talk.

325
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,320
- Mh-hm. Mm, mm, mm, mm!
- OK.

326
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,959
- Ooh!
- Ooh!

327
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,959
You know, I'm actually
more of a talker than...

328
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,959
Let me pop these little fellas
off for you here.

329
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,959
...than a fighter.

330
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,800
Um, do you want
to go downstairs or...

331
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,960
VOMITS

332
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,959
I'm so sorry, Will.
I was just nervous.

333
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,959
I am nervous.
I'm just trying to be something.

334
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,959
I just got so distracted
by your insane skin

335
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,639
and the fact that you have
so many subscribers

336
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,959
and you've been doing this
so much longer than me.

337
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,799
But can I be honest with you, Will?

338
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,959
I have rosacea.
- Ah! So the make-up.

339
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:15,959
So the make-up, yeah.

340
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:20,959
These lines here were added
because I wanted cheekbones.

341
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,319
Oh, yeah.

342
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,959
That's totally chill with Will.

343
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,799
Chilly Willy.
CHUCKLES

344
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,319
Uh, they were ice pops, erm,

345
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,959
we used to have in...
in Ireland in the '90s.

346
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,959
Chilly Willys.

347
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,999
Why don't I take you on the
real tour of Dublin tomorrow?

348
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,959
Not the tourist stuff.

349
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:37,959
- I would love that.
- Yeah?

350
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,999
And no more Viking helmets, OK?

351
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,999
We'll never say never
on that front, Will.

352
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,960
Sorry.

353
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,959
Oh, my God. In real life,
Will is even more of a ride.

354
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,959

to the weekend.

355
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:01,959
Uh, bet you a tenner.

356
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,799
I bet you 4.5 million euro.

357
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,480
Oh, my gosh. Done.

358
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,959
How's your involuntary
celibacy going?

359
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,960
My marriage is...
SHE SIGHS

360
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,479
I know I can't be such fun
to be around, but that's OK,

361
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,959
because my husband
is literally never around.

362
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:28,959
And I know having a baby
is hard on couples,

363
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,960
but I feel single in the worst way.

364
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,320
Do you know what I'm gonna do
for you?

365
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:39,960
What?

366
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,959
- I've got it.
- OK.

367
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,960
My special hug-a-roona rooskers.

368
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:47,959
GRUNTING

369
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,959
Oh, God.
You are so bad at nurturing.

370
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,959
It's like... It's like getting
a hug from an elbow.

371
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,480
I know. I know. I know.

372
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,959
'Oh. You think you can
beat me in a stare-down.'

373
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,959
BABY MURMURS
'Ha-ha! Sickener!

374
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,959
'You're weak,
like a little... baby.'

375
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,639
Today, to keep things more...
SHE LAUGHS

376
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,999
...intimate,
I'll be letting Stan go.

377
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,999
Yes. Will will be covering me.

378
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,639
Oh.

379
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,959
That sounds like a stallion
and his mare.

380
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,959
SHE LAUGHS
Sounds like a total mare.

381
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,959
Well, thanks, Joy. I really want

382
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,959
to catch Christie today,
get some lunch.

383
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:28,959
Yeah. I mean...

384
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:33,959
I'll be having foodstuff
with ride features, so... cool.

385
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:39,959
- Cool.
- Cool.

386
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,959
Cool.
- Cooler than that. Yeah. Cool.

387
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:43,960
Oh.

388
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,480
EXHALES DEEPLY
Yes.

389
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:50,959
Cool.

390
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,959
Hey, Joy, what was that ancient
Irish tradition called again?

391
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:55,959
Cans at the canal.

392
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,959
Hey, look. I love it.

393
00:17:58,960 --> 00:17:59,959
And you're sure you don't want

394
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,959
to be doing anything
more exciting or...

395
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:02,959
No. It feels so great to get away

396
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,960
from my clean image
for one whole second.

397
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,319
Your smile is so vast.

398
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:10,959
Aye.

399
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,959
Are Australians born
with extra teeth?

400
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:14,960
Yep.

401
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:22,799
Hey, Will, have you heard
of the whole

402
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,959
Oh, the no-sex thing?

403
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,959
Like actual voluntary celibacy?
Yeah. It's a huge deal.

404
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,960
I accidentally committed to it
on camera for a year.

405
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:37,799
Made a lot of noise online. So I'm
now wearing a virtual chastity belt.

406
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,319
I could get up
on Paddy Kavanagh here,

407
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,959
but that's cos he's made of copper.

408
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,960
Thems is the rules.

409
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,959
Bummer.

410
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:47,959
No, Will.

411
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,960
That's the whole point.
Not even anal.

412
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,959
Privet.

413
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:57,960
Hiya.

414
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,959
SMOOCHES
I have your jacket.

415
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,999
I didn't want it to shrink,
so I popped it in a cool wash.

416
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,959
I think it still shrunk a bit.

417
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,479
But it does smell of patchouli.
I can wash it again if you...

418
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:11,959
Would you like to go out
on a date some time?

419
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,959
Joy, you puked on my...

420
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,959
and on my...

421
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,959
- Russian military wear.
- ...Russian military wear, so...

422
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,000
No. Absolutely. Definitely.
That's OK. Thank you so much.

423
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:24,959
It would have actually been nice

424
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,959
to get to know you.
It's just all the...

425
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,639
Yeah. The weird stuff.
Yeah. I know. Yeah.

426
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,479
Be good and, er,
seize the means of production.

427
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,959
Definitely.

428
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,960
Nostrovia.

429
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:40,960
Marxism isn't a joke.

430
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,959
I'm literally never drinking again.

431
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:57,960
Two pints of lager
and two baby Guinnesses!

432
00:19:58,800 --> 00:19:59,959
We don't do alcohol.

433
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,960
I'll have...
I'll have a West Coast Cooler.

434
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,959
A Bailey's.
I'll have a Bailey's coffee.

435
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,959
- We don't do alcohol.
- OK. Fine. I'll just have...

436
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,800
I'll just have a glass of wine.

437
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,959
- Do you know that they serve...
- In McDonald's in Germany, yeah.

438
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:17,959
Are you wanting cheese on
your fries?

439
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,960
Yes, please.

440
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,159
REGISTER BEEPING

441
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,959
GASPS

442
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,959
I can get these chips for free.

443
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,159
My car... Will. Will!
I can get these chips for free

444
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,959
cos these guys, they think
I'm a big deal or whatever.

445
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,959
It's grand. But I've got a...

446
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,319
I've got, like, a card.
It's like a gold card.

447
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,799
It's like a gold card, I guess.
- Yeah. Sweet.

448
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,480
Yeah. That card was rescinded.

449
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,960
Coming at you from a place
called Abrakebabra.

450
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,959
Take this and
don't say another word, please.

451
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,640
- That's 20 euro, 57.
- Shh.

452
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,959
Shh.

453
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:04,960
- Shh.
- Shh.

454
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,960
Shh.

455
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,959
COINS JINGLING

456
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,960
Could I have a cabernet sauvignon?

457
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,959
Even at 3am at Abrakebabra,
boy's got zero pores.

458
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,159
Look at that. Wow.

459
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,959
Hey! Now we're talking.
- Hey.

460
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,479
Yeah.

461
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,799
Potatoes chopped into smaller pieces

462
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,959
and covered in cheese from cows
in green fields. It's so Irish.

463
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,319
I think the Yanks
invented fries, no?

464
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,960
- French fries?
- Mmm.

465
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:43,960
Mmm.

466
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,960
How do you have
so many subscribers, Will?

467
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,999
You just keep doing you, Joy.

468
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,960
They'll find you.

469
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:07,960
MID-TEMPO TANGO PLAYS

470
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:15,960
LAUGHTER,
INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS

471
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:19,959
Get in there.

472
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,959
BOTH LAUGHING

473
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,959
Oh. Close the door.

474
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,159
Oh. Mm.

475
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,959
Shh!
JOY LAUGHS

476
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,479
Stan, are you wearing a bra?

477
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,479
What?
That's my bra for my breasts.

478
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,959
Joy?
Stan?

479
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:35,959
Sorry. Which breasts?

480
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,959
Is that your arm?
No. That's not an arm.

481
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,959
Oh, hang on.
- Oh!

482
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,959
- Oh!
- Hey.

483
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,959
Oh. Er, heya.

484
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,959
Sorry. This is, erm, this is Will.

485
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,959
- Hi. How's it going? Will.
- Christie.

486
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,959
- Will Dack.
- You know Stan.

487
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,959
- Yeah. We met.
- Hey, Will. Yeah.

488
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:55,959
Yeah, so we might just go on
and head it on.

489
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,959
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.

490
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,639
SHE LAUGHS
I thought you were volcel.

491
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,959
He's... He's on Aussie time,
so I guess we've already done it,

492
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,960
so we may as well just,
just go again.

493
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,319
You guys are weird.

494
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,959
LAUGHS

495
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,959
GROANING

496
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:18,999
'Who's this guy?'

497
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,959
I just wasn't sure at what point
to say anything

498
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:23,959
cos there's so much happening
in the dark.

499
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,959
This is Will from the Internet.
This is Trish, my best mate.

500
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,959
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?

501
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,639
Nice to meet you.
- Oh.

502
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,959
- Your smile is vast.
- Yeah.

503
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,959
Hey. Look.
Can we go up to your room?

504
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,319
- Yeah.
- Is that OK?

505
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:37,959
Yeah. Night, Trish.

506
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,960
Let's go.
JOY AND WILL GRUNT

507
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,319
'Oh, my God, Trish.
His skin is like a waxed nectarine.'

508
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:46,959
The light!

509
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:47,960
DOOR CLOSES

510
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:53,960
SIGHS

511
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,959
UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS

512
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,960
DOG BARKING

513
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,959
DOGS HOWLING,
BARKING

514
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,960
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